Toughen Up: Father-Son and Mother-Son Relationship Matrices in Men’s Traumatic Socialization to Intimate Partner Violence

Intimate partner violence (IPV) is a worldwide social problem. The current study employed the gender role strain paradigm (GRSP) and identification with aggressor (IWA) models to explore how men understand the origins of their violence. These models share a connection to trauma: GRSP can be brutal and traumatic, and IWA is initiated through dissociation due to children’s direct and indirect exposure to traumatic violence. The research questions were how do men in violent relationships (1) describe their relationships with their fathers; (2) describe their relationships with their mothers; And (3) understand the influence of the father’s violent attitudes on their own? Interviews with 25 Israeli men (aged 27–60) involved in IPV were analyzed thematically. The findings differentiate between men who willingly endorsed their fathers’ toughness and those who felt they had to be aggressive, otherwise they would remain exposed to his aggression. Limitations and directions for future research are discussed.