“I Call It a Self-Rape”: A Qualitative Study of Unwanted Sex Among Adult Men With Women

Research on men’s sexual victimization has primarily focused on the psychological impact of childhood abuse by male perpetrators and how societal beliefs about masculinity hinder disclosure. This study broadens the lens by exploring how adult men interpret coercive or noncoercive unwanted sex with women. We analyzed in-depth interviews with 15 heterosexual Israeli men using a phenomenological approach. The findings reveal three interrelated dimensions of unwanted sex experiences: initial sexual reluctance, a bodily-gendered conflict termed “psychophysical dissonance,” and the coping strategies used to manage this tension. Drawing on interviews, we show how participants negotiated hegemonic masculinity—adopting, rejecting, or reshaping it—thus supporting a relational, fluid view of masculinity. This somatic lens highlights the interplay between cognitive expectations and embodied experiences in unwanted sex, revealing how internalized sexual scripts and gender norms shape men’s responses, often pressuring them to conform to dominant ideals of masculinity. In doing so, these norms can undermine men’s sexual agency and obscure their experiences of victimization, underscoring the need for more inclusive public, legal, and academic understandings.