An attachment perspective on the quest for significance and mattering

Attachment theory has become one of the most influential theories in psychology, generating an explosion of empirical research and clinical applications. At the heart of the theory is a conception of security dynamics, a set of psychological processes involved in the search for social sources of safety and security in the context of threats and challenges, and the implications of felt security for emotional stability and personal growth. In this chapter, we focus on the role that security dynamics play in shaping a person's quest for significance and mattering - the natural desire to experience respect and appreciation from people who matter to us. We review the basic components of security dynamics and present ideas and evidence regarding what we consider secure and insecure forms of significance and mattering. Specifically, we show that the sense of attachment security fosters the felt presence of an authentic and stable sense of social worth that does not fluctuate on a minute-by-minute basis depending on others' smiles and snubs. We also show that attachment insecurities contribute to a constant, unsatiated search for significance by trying to possess and control either social resources (others' attention and love) or personal resources (power, status, money).